woke up feeling the extra booze of strength within me..and is not just the 8hours sleep i managed to get after 2 weeks...A leap of joy rushed to me when i read an sms ... :lol: My cgl would be touching Singapore in the evening! I miss her more badly than when my brother left for NS,haha.. Seriously, i'm really not sure what she will say about the happenings in cg for past 10 days since she left... I'm sure she'll be able to restore and strengthened all that has happened.. amen... Coincidently, her bdae is tml too... hmmmz... seemed as thought she only left yersday...with a wink of the eye, the responsibilities in my heart will be taken back soon...hee.. it was a gd experience, but till i'm armed n prepared.. shall stay away for awhile... Cant wait for cell group on sat. feels strange without it for 2 weeks... hmmm, i gotta spend the weekend doing some sports too...getting abit lazy.... Father's day is this sunday as well...think i'll get eye messager....my tuition kid is getting a guitar for her dad! can u believe it, she's 13 and her budget is 200 bucks...tsk... kids nowadays....=P
my friend said he will never want to read my blog anymore... :cry: 'too exagerated, too much feelings, too negative' ....but that's everybody isnt it... but i always believe is not how u start..is how u end...u may seem as though as u're sinking , but once u know it, it'll be how u pick urself out from the pithole of death. Every Experience can turn out be for good. I've learnt that my pasts have become a blessing and God's name is glorified when i help somebody with the same problem or of similar nature.
This morning, I was thinking about my furture cg and how they wil be youths and all.. But another image flashed...that they will grow as i age...by then, i will have been given the capacity to take the older members. and there n den, God spoke to me to be prepared to move even higher now because time isnt gona wait for me and i'm not going to stay 20 forever.. i felt so convicted.. i dont want to leave life loosely while i'm still young... it'll be too late to regret...
i skimmed through my past blogs, I had a gd laugh at some of de entries...others, it brought back memories of the destructions i caused myself into...my self-pity.. pride... the walls in my head.... mental walls u'll call that.. my best friend would have been pls with my recovery... if i could take the step to face him.. i'm forever grateful for the energy he spend on me... when i was deemed as stubborn.... he prayed n fasted for me... in times of darkness, he brought joy.... the brotherly love that showered me trickled on me like raindrops... I wana move on.... maybe stop blogging forever or get another addy....think bloggers are normadics....as soon as they are satisfied with the pastures they go on in search of fresher ones... the contextual meaning here is life itself... :lol: Someone asked me yersday when i'm gona raise up... 'when i'm ready' i replied... but we all know we will never feel 'ready' ...is the steps toward it which God will used to multiply... my friend make a statement which caught me ' u will be a good leader, i've seen u ..u always have a heart for ppl' ... A movement in my heart stired and arouse... i knew somehow it fitted to a confirmation i wanted from God in my directions of ministry... I remember another cgl , Nick, saying this to me recently ' Diana, u're nearly there...u're gona do great things for God. GO on ' and den the presence of God came again and God said ' Leave ur ungodly desires, the last lap is the toughest u have to extra vigilant the devil is like a thief, he robs, kills n destroy in the night.' ... in my prayer closet, i cried to Him 'Jesus, give me strength! Help me to guard every single gifts u have given me. Jesus, remove every sin in my heart! Bring me up to where you are. Show me ur ways. Teach me. I want to be a leader for you. I want to bring the gospel to the lost. I will tend ur sheeps. Deliver me from temptations. ' i cried as God tenderly picked me up and filled my heart... i laughed as the joy of the Holy Ghost came upon me.... God, u're just so amazing...
'i never know how much it costs, to see my sins upon that cross' i was in waiting for my dad and i asked God, what can i do, wat should i do....and the Holy Spirit spoke gently in my heart. reveal the story, i will lead you...
' To guard the passion and presence of God n your heart, choose your words the way you choose your friends...wisely. Know they will be few but precious.' A friend whom i prayed n counselled was wat the bible said ...'a dog that went back to its vomit' The secret longing in the heart, wounded and defiled. For days i mourned for his soul. Angry at my lack of ability, angry at his lack of commitment, perseverance. This was the guy i knew a few years ago, back den, i was known as the irc queen..yar sure, ppl came into #cityharvest and i was popular...n y not, those were the ppl lost in cyberspace, they dwell in misery choosing to be an escapist. I was like music in their ears... But i woke up to reality that these ppl can never be properly discipled. They were not willing to see the situation and make a firm decision. Their self-righteousness and compromising self proof to be self-destructive as well. I left the place, with a few others that r now on their way to being great leaders for God. But the guy stayed in my contact for some reason. After a few months, i decided to meet him up with a friend. He had a story. He wanted ears. I thought I could be the one coz i wanted him to slide back to God. It was my first attempt on a backslider...and he was from my church 5 years ago! It was difficult in the start. The ignorant in me caused me to spend nites even thru my exam period trying to get him out of his senses. His head was harden....bad experiences, age played their parts. But i had faith....to knock them down...he stumbled here and there.... caused heartbreaks of ppl around him... i lost my hp in the midst of it... oh well... i wasnt doing it God's ways.... Evangelism is a joy God, not a curse...But the strength have to be of God...the wisdom, anoniting, understanding...I moved thru months tired, weary and discouraged... He was too much for me and my soul... my cgl intervened... she was the best person for it... quite immediately she saw him from the inside... i cried for days... how did i get myself in a state...trying to gain the whole world but losing my own soul... u see, i wanted to seize his heart for God so badly but the pride in him was a mental block n the steps he took toward God were half-hearted. God spoke to me one night. 'Move on..Do not fear, i am with you always. ' I renewed my love for the lost n medidated on His promises. I changed my mentality , ask for forgiveness and depended more n more for his wisdom n guidance. The same week, another soul was added to the kingdom of God. I thank God for this soul. A blessing indeed both in my life and my cg. I see a great leader in her. My trust and obedience in God paid off. Truly, we reaped what we soul. As what my pastor said, sometimes, we really cant see the furture but when God calls, move....walk in His spirit and u will never fulfil the desires of the flesh. I was thinking of some stuff i heard from my girl-friend. It was scary. I know there are many unfaithful couples out there. Well, excitement is for just a moment. Where u place you heart in, there it will grow. Place ur heart in sins, and they will grow in ur life. Adultery starts from fun... A revelation came in my mind.. Why would God give u the best person when u cannot be satisfied with Him whilst being single. If I cant even love God a hundred percent while i'm still single, what more so when i am with the right one. I've so much to share with my cgl. sheesh...
den i will really not encourage.coz' your work is only momentary. once you are out of a ministry, it is hard for you to get back and most of the time when someone quits a ministry, normally the person will not do any better than w/o one. probably you can ask for lesser responsibilities for the moment.
is funny how ppl are looking for always constantly searching for answers. yeah, i'm searching for fresh waters. i miss my leader terribly... Never gona take her for granted. Then again, it was a good one week. Revelations have been overtaking me....breath-taking encounter with the Holy Spirit and renewal of strength i've never known.
someone told me the calling in my walk with God is in my potential....sure, i love counselling, waking ppl from their state of mind... i love books, touching lifes with unspoken words....i dunno, maybe is the company i'm with....i need ppl to talk to, period...
quite comfy in the office now...talking to my friend abt life....quite scary what lurks behind a human mind actually...temptations, the lack of self-control, lust, greed, envy...think i should go back to my work n stop slacking....
is a bright and cheery day...a contrast to my ultimately sleepy self... there's something wrong with my blog...and i cant figure the correct html for the banner so i can remove it... :roll: anyway, i wana scream .. i've a terrible headache, wat's new.. thank God my bosses aint around, defintely quite unproductive.. i'm feeling abit pissed by somebody....n that's y i'm blogging...
Geee, i've this sorta unquenchable thirst for water these days...amazing... hmmm, a song just pop into my head...hope we sing it in church today.. the lyrics' really inspiring... goes like this ...' u're amazing, never changing, always with me enthroned within my soul. Overflowing...my heart offers, the deepest of honor and worship....u're amazing..' and it goes on.... think i should spend tml morning, playing my guit...been a long time since i touched it... =|
i don't know what i really wana do tml b4 the bbq...i wonder if i should even go....feel like spending more time with Joey...but then again, she needs more friends besides just me...
is a bright and cheery day...a contrast to my ultimately sleepy self... there's something wrong with my blog...and i cant figure the correct html for the banner so i can remove it... :roll: anyway, i wana scream .. i've a terrible headache, wat's new.. thank God my bosses aint around, defintely quite unproductive.. i'm feeling abit pissed by somebody....n that's y i'm blogging...
Geee, i've this sorta unquenchable thirst for water these days...amazing... hmmm, a song just pop into my head...hope we sing it in church today.. the lyrics' really inspiring... goes like this ...' u're amazing, never changing, always with me enthroned within my soul. Overflowing...my heart offers, the deepest of honor and worship....u're amazing..' and it goes on.... think i should spend tml morning, playing my guit...been a long time since i touched it... =|
i don't know what i really wana do tml b4 the bbq...i wonder if i should even go....feel like spending more time with Joey...but then again, she needs more friends besides just me...
lethargy's creeping towards me.... :? life hasnt been exactly that exciting...besides the fact is moving too fast...I wonder wat it is like after 21. They say time flies even faster after u hit 21. But i guess for me, it already is esp. when is my rest times....haha .. i cant say i enjoy school life more than my intern. but den, i wana see another turtle cross the road... hmmm, not forgetting the extra time to daze n daydream, or nitedream.... tat's wat i do best... i do think i have a gd brain but execution isnt my forte... so it doesnt matter..... hmm, i'm wondering wat i really am.....a humorous, chirpy, friendly girl described by some or a morbid, melancholic, negative, idiosyncratic individual fitted to me by others?
woke up feeling the extra booze of strength within me..and is not just the 8hours sleep i managed to get after 2 weeks...A leap of joy rushed to me when i read an sms ... :lol: My cgl would be touching Singapore in the evening! I miss her more badly than when my brother left for NS,haha.. Seriously, i'm really not sure what she will say about the happenings in cg for past 10 days since she left... I'm sure she'll be able to restore and strengthened all that has happened.. amen... Coincidently, her bdae is tml too... hmmmz...